Suckage

Posted on January 12, 2012 by Esperanza| 2 Comments

Thank you all for the wonderful suggestions on how to provide incentives for myself that I can actually afford. I’m going to be looking at them all more closely and figuring out which one will work best for me. The reality is I only need a boost for this first month, I think after that the satisfaction of having a cleaner house will be enough to keep me going.

And now back to some good ‘ole fashion bitch n’ moan.

Being tight on money is exhausting. Needing to account for every penny, having to judge if something is worth the meager amount it costs, tracking it all on a spreadsheet – it takes an incredible amount of time and energy.

And it makes me depressed.

All the woman at my school {well, 12 of them} are going to Vegas this weekend. It’s the third annual trip. I went when I was pregnant so I missed out on a lot of the fun {though I still enjoyed myself}. I didn’t go the next year because Isa was only 6 months old {though I should have not been going because I definitely couldn’t afford it after three months of unpaid FMLA leave – funny how that never entered my mind!} This year I’m not going because we can’t afford it. Even if we could eek out the $1000 it will probably cost, after food and miscellaneous costs are factored in, that isn’t what I’d choose to spend it on. I’m sad not to go. I feel left out. This will be just one more way in which I’m isolated from my colleagues. One more way in which I’m different.

I was realizing that other day that I am less well off than any of my friends. It was a very sobering thought. It’s not that I think I should be better off than they are, I’ve just never been the least well-off. In fact, growing up my parents always had a very comfortable amount, of well, everything. I never really took pride in that, but now that I’m on the other end of it I feel kind of shitty.

{Did I mention that my dad is unemployed, yet again? He just spent his fourth New Years without a job. My poor parents are watching their lives’ work slip away. It definitely colors my feelings about scrimping and saving for a more secure future, that’s for sure.}

It brings up all sorts of culturally propagated ideas about money and its role in measuring worth here in this country; ideas I don’t have the idea to challenge here and now but that I hope to touch on sometimes soon.

My three best college friends are meeting {or planning to meet} somewhere this summer. I was originally saving up for a trip with Isa to Atlanta to meet up with one friend and then a short flight to South Carolina to visit my cousin and her daughter. Now I’m not sure what to do, as bringing Isa with me on the ‘girls weekend’ would probably be a disaster. They will most likely meet on the East Coast so it’s going to have to be one or the other. I realize that even if we weren’t so strapped for cash I still probably wouldn’t fly east twice in one summer {I’ve already abandoned any hopes of the NYC BlogHer conference, even though I’d have a free place to stay and I want to go so desperately} but still, knowing that I can’t even if I wanted to makes me kind of batty.

I’m sorry. I know this is just a big giant bitch fest. I know these are first world problems. I know that 99% of the world wants for so much more than I do. I realize that so many people in this country are struggling so much harder than I am. I guess it’s just hard that I’m surrounded by that other 1%, or more accurately, a small, and very well off, percentage of that 1%.

Posted in End rant

Carrots and Sticks

Posted on January 10, 2012 by Esperanza| 8 Comments

In many ways I am a good partner and mother. I am kind, loving, supportive, understanding, fun and nurturing. I am also lacking in many areas. For one I hate to cook. The scene with the June Cleaver type mom happily stirring at the stove as her husband walks through the door is never going to be glimpsed at my house.

I’m also a pretty crappy housekeeper.

Truth be told I’m absolute shite at it.

Every year I make resolutions about keeping the house in better shape. I never manage it. NEVER. I don’t think I’ve ever properly started it. I’m just no good at keeping my house clean.

My therapist recommended that I spend just 10-15 minutes a day cleaning my house but I could never get in the habit of it. In fact, I don’t think I ever did that one time. I always felt too overwhelmed; I never knew where to start.

This year I bypassed traditional resolutions and wasn’t even going to attempt to create goals about better housekeeping. I knew I would just fail, like I have every. other. year.

Then on Twitter someone was talking about an app called Motivated Moms that gives you tasks around the house to accomplish every day. After agonizing over whether I should spend $7.99 on it (I’ve never spent more than $1.99 on an app!) I decided if there were any chance it would help me in the chores arena, it was worth a shot.

Two weeks later I would say it was definitely worth the $8 I spent on it. Seriously, Motivated Moms has effectively changed my life. It has made me successful at the one thing I never excelled at – it’s helping me keep my house clean! And I feel damned good about it.

Except it’s not as simple as all that. It never is, is it?

Every day Motivated Moms gives me tasks to complete. Some of them are very simple {change the kitchen towels – check!} and some require considerable effort–and motivation–to complete. {I’m supposed to mop the kitchen floor today?! Blerg.) Generally I’m pretty good at getting them done, just because I should, but sometimes I need some outside inspiration to get my butt in gear. Sometimes I need an incentive.

In the past my incentive has always been a coveted item of some kind: nice designer jeans, the DVD set of some dorky sci-fi show, a fabulous pair boots. It was usually something frivolous, that I couldn’t justify buying for no reason, but could justify buying as a reward for doing something awesome. Or even part of something awesome, as was the case many, many times.

So now, every time I’m really tired and can’t be bothered to sweep the halls or clean the microwave inside and out, I whisper to myself, “but you can have those UGGs you’ve been coveting.”

{Yes I’m obsessed with UGGs, so much so that yes, I want another pair, but it’s okay because they aren’t boots so they are way less expensive.}

And that is what gets me off my ass and doing my chores. A hundred dollar pair of UGGs. That I can’t actually afford.

So my question to you all is, what is a poor girl who can’t actually get herself the pair of UGGs {without feeling very guilty about it} to do? What kind of carrot can I dangle if I can’t spend any {or much} money on myself?

Seriously people, I need a cheap but enticing carrot on a stick and I need it yesterday. Tomorrow I’m supposed to clean out the toaster oven and there is more charred debris at the bottom of that thing than I’d care to admit.

Posted in Reaping the Rewards, Sacrifice

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One in, one out

Posted on December 28, 2011 by Esperanza| 7 Comments

Christmas is not only tough on one’s wallet, it also wages war on closet {and any other kind of} space. When we got home from Christmas celebrations with both sets of grandparents we had two huge Costco sized bags worth of stuff. Where was all of it going to go?

In The Joy of Less Francine Jay recommends a “one in, one out” rule. After you’ve spent so much time paring your valuables down to a manageable level you have to actively work to maintain that reduced amount of stuff or it will just multiply without you even realizing. Before you know it your shoe collection could look resemble the trouble-with-tribbles of footwear.

{What, no Star Trek geeks out there?}

I spent a lot of time cleaning out a lot of clothes not long ago and I still need to get rid of a few more drawers of stuff if I ever want to have another baby. I know I can’t just make room for the five shirts and two sweaters I got for Christmas or a lot of effort will be undone. So before I even took off the tags, I found five shirts and two sweaters to get rid of. It was hard to make the choices but I decided if I couldn’t get rid of as many articles as I was bringing in, I had to get take back the new stuff I got. With that in mind, I filled a bag with some stuff for Good Will and threw my new tops in the wash.

My daughters toys were harder to handle. Knowing her grandparents were going to go overboard I spent about 30 minutes the day before Christmas filling a bag with baby toys she rarely plays with anymore. I also filled a bag with some of her stuffed animals that I plan on putting aside for now and swapping with other stuffed animals later.

The reality is my daughter has a very limited play space that quickly get’s completely covered with toys, making it impossible to move around. To illustrate my point I just went and took a picture of the playroom. {And then ran it through two iPhone apps before emailing it to myself to post here. What? … WHAT?}

As you can see, there is no room for extra stuff. Unfortunately there is little room elsewhere in the house to store toys to cycle into the rotation at a later time so I’m going to have to make some touch choices on what is going to stay and what is going to go.

If you have any suggestions on how to deal with copious amounts of toys in a very tight space I’d love to hear them!

Posted in Big Picture, Reaping the Rewards, Sacrifice, The Great Clutter Catharsis

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Christmas is Spendy!

Posted on December 26, 2011 by Esperanza| 3 Comments

Okay, so I know I declared my triumphant return almost a month ago and then failed to post anything for almost 30 days.

I know.

I KNOW!!!!!

I need to come back to this space. This space in the Internets. This place in my mind. This attitude. This outlook. This general understanding of the world. I’m just not sure how.

Christmas came and went. All in all I think I handled it well. Surely I could have handled it better but things weren’t as gruesome as they could have been.

Some things I’m proud of:

- B and I didn’t get each other anything. Instead we’re treating ourselves to two comedy shows during SF Sketchfest in January. Not only did we not have to shop for each other but now we can see the two shows without feeling {as} guilty.

- I didn’t get B’s parents anything. B’s parents don’t really do presents for Christmas and in the past I’ve fought this, but this year I didn’t. Besides a photobook and a photo calendar I didn’t get them anything. And it felt wonderful.

- I kept my family’s presents to a minimum. I got them each one thing from their lists plus a photo book and calendar.

- I didn’t get overboard playing Santa for my daughter. I got her about 15 things but most of them were stocking stuffers. The most expensive gifts were about $15 a pop and there were four of them.  The rest were all between $5 and $10. All in all I felt I handled it pretty well.

- I did most of my shopping online which not only kept me from the hoards at the stores but also prevented me from buying extraneous shit.

- I asked for stuff we already needed so Christmas didn’t leave us with stuff we didn’t want and gave us the stuff we would have spent our money on anyway. Goodbye earrings I’ll never wear, hello Pampered Chef custard bowls with lids! {When you have a toddler you will understand.}

- Oh, and also, I got these beauties.

Thanks Santa!

Things I could have done better:

- I definitely spent over $100 on my daughter. I should definitely keep it under $100 next year.

- I had no budget on how much I’d spend on gifts in total. I will do that for next year and stick to it the amount I decide on ahead of time.

- I felt a little bullied into getting my family gifts beyond the photo book and calendar, which in and of themselves were expensive. My family does present-giving big time and it will be hard to disengage from that without getting flak. I think I’ll have to do so slowly over time.

- I already spent the $100 Amazon gift certificate Santa gave me on stuff for Isa. Oops! Seriously though, how cute are these?! And they were over 50% off!

 

To be fair, $40 of it was on diapers, so I guess that doesn’t really count since I would need them anyway and they are WAY cheaper on Amazon.

So all in all I survived Christmas relatively unscathed and I’m quite proud. Hopefully every year I’ll get better at the present-giving and this holiday will stop costing me such a pretty penny.

Hey, a girl can dream, can’t she?

Posted in Big Picture, Reaping the Rewards

I’m back?

Posted on November 30, 2011 by Esperanza| 3 Comments

I’m back.

It’s been a while.

On the one hand it feels like a lot has happened. On the other hand it’s just normal run of the mill stuff. I don’t have all that much to report.

I continued to cheat. I thought about abandoning my project. A lot. I actually decided to abandon it then I changed my mind.

Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

Today I checked my VISA bill to see if I’d received a refund for a defective book I’d returned and holy shit – my VISA bill for this month and the coming month are ATROCIOUS. Of course renewing my $600 {for six months} yoga membership, a $500 factory scheduled tune-up and a $900 car insurance payment didn’t help much but still, they could have been lower. It’s not like I’ve been cheating a lot, just here and there, but obviously it adds up.

So something needs to be done. I can’t just let myself try to keep things under control; I have to make rules or obviously everything goes to shit. I’m still trying to decide if I should stick with my no-buying-anything-new goal or implement a new $50 a month for non-necessities, be they new or used, rule. At $50 a month I’d still have to find most things used otherwise I’d be outside my budget almost instantly, so maybe it is the best of both worlds. I just worry I wouldn’t be good at keeping track of how much I’d spent. I’d need to figure out a system to record it.

I must say there is some good news to share. Evidently all this penny pinching has brought real results, though they’ve been hidden to me until now. While I’m not seeing any savings from my efforts evidently B is. I guess because I do all the grocery shopping and pay for most everything else the family needs {and doing so on 80% of my regular salary} I’m barely scrapping by. All the while B is saving an insane $500 to $800 a month! It’s so satisfying to know that all my saving hasn’t been for naught – that we’re making real gains on the financial front. I just wish I had known sooner!

Now if I can just keep up my end of the bargain, things might really start turning around…

Posted in Big Picture, Reaping the Rewards

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Totem

Posted on November 7, 2011 by Esperanza| Leave a comment

So, I went to San Francisco’s opening night of Cirque du Soleil’s Totem last Friday and it. was. a.MAZ.ing. It was a truly breathtaking performance and I couldn’t recommend it more. If you’re in the area I highly suggest you take the time to see it.

Of course it is a little pricey {especially for this cheapskate} but I really do think it’s worth it. In the grand scheme of things, $60 bucks to see a show you’ll never forget is a pretty good deal. And believe me, if you see Totem, you will never, ever, forget it.

You may be thinking, but $60 gets me back row seats! Who wants to spend that much to sit way at the back where you can’t see anything. Except that you can see! Everything! The tent {yes, it’s actually under a big top which I loved} is really quite small, so even if you’re in the last row – which we were – you can see every single thing that is happening. I never once wished I were closer or felt I couldn’t get a good look at an act. With a set that small everyone can see everything so your $60 actually goes a long way.

In fact, I was almost as impressed with the use of space as I was with the performances {and that is saying something}. The tent was small but the show felt huge. Everything was build around a center ring and a wide ramp the width of the ring the ferried the performers out in various ways. The ramp was as much as part of the show as the performers; when it wasn’t opening in an eruption or morphing into a speed boat, it became rushing water, crashing waves, blowing grass or a stark alien landscape. The projections were captivating and sometimes I had to remind myself to focus on the performers instead of the fascinating backdrop.

It’s pretty ridiculous that I couldn’t take my eyes off the projections because the acts were incredible. Each set was even more intense the one before. I spent every act oscillating between biting my nails in anxious anticipation and throwing my hands in the air with excitement. Between the costumes, the sets and the skill of the performers, the show was truly something wondrous to behold.

Lately the staff at my work have been talking a lot about the Vegas trip. I’m feeling more and more down about not going. But whenever I think I about all I’m missing out on I remember this night, this show, this experience. Cirque du Soleil is easily the number one reason I’d go to Vegas and I got to a see a show right here, in San Francisco! In Vegas the nose bleed seats for a Cirque show are well over $100, and that is when you get a deal. Here you can see a show that will blow your mind for almost half that much. And you don’t even have to walk through a smokey casino to get there.

So yeah. Cirque du Soleil’s Totem is phenomenal and I highly recommend you see it if you can.

Posted in Uncategorized

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Wavering

Posted on November 3, 2011 by Esperanza| 5 Comments

I am seven months into my project and I am wavering. Big time. Suddenly the whole thing seems too much. Suddenly the idea of not buying anything new for a year is absurd. Isa is growing too fast, she needs things – important things – all the time. Things are stressful at work, at home. Everyone at work is talking about and planning for Las Vegas. Over 20 staff members are going and I’m not. There are some days I positively ache to engage in some good old fashioned retail therapy, to make up for all that I’m missing. Some days it feels like I’m depriving myself of too much.

I’m wavering, hard. I’ve cheated. I can’t tell if I cheated because I was already wavering or now I’m wavering because I cheated. Maybe it’s both? I’m a cold turkey kind of girl. I’m all or nothing. I don’t do moderation well. And when I try to abstain from something, and I give in, it makes me want to say to hell with it and just stop abstaining. I’m at that place now. I’m teetering, on the edge.

This is what I cheated on, by the way.

Isa LOVES them. She takes them everywhere. I got her this set and a set of “pond friends.” They are all over our house right now and I don’t regret buying them one bit. In fact the idea of not having bought them makes me quite sad. It’s not helping my resolve right now.

I also cheated on this.

This one is really bad because someone had already let me borrow a really cute costume but when I saw this at Old Navy I just had to have it. It was only $10, but still. I didn’t need it. And now it will just take up space in my house.

I know I need to keep this up. I know this is when it starts getting really important. So far I’ve been able to avoid needing things. The seasons haven’t really changed, there’s been a status quo. But all that is about to change. This is where I really learn to live this. This is when it gets hard.

But I’m just not sure I have it in me.

Posted in End rant, Sacrifice

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All I want for Christmas

Posted on October 21, 2011 by Esperanza| 3 Comments

 

Dear Santa,

All I want for Christmas is a pair of UGG ‘Cardy’ Classic Knit Boots in grey, size 8.

That is all.

Sincerely,

E

Posted in Uncategorized

Best. News. Ever.

Posted on October 20, 2011 by Esperanza| 2 Comments

You know, there used to be a time when I would accept almost anything if it were free. I loved the free swag at places even if it was junk I didn’t need like notebooks or crappy pens. If someone wanted me to take it, I would.

Now, with my simplification project, I spend more time giving that kind of stuff away than trying to get it. In fact, now when someone offers me free stuff I immediately ask myself if I need it and where it will go. If either answer is unclear I decline the offer.

Of course if someone is offering me a free meal, or a night out, I will accept it gladly. Actually, gladly doesn’t quite cover it – I will be very, very, very pleased indeed.

Not long ago I found out that this blog was affording me a night out on the town of the highest caliber and I must admit, very, very, very pleased doesn’t come close to capturing my enthusiasm. Words that might do it justice? Ecstatic, overjoyed, elated, delirious, thrilled and rapturous, to name a few. Basically I was on cloud nine.

You see, I get see Cirque du Soleil’s Totem!

On it’s opening night here in San Francisco!

I adore Cirque du Soleil. I saw my first show at 15 on a family trip to Las Vegas. I was entranced and I knew that if I were ever given the chance, I’d see them again in a heartbeat.

Two years ago I returned to Vegas with the woman at my work and I made sure a group of us were seeing a Cirque show. We saw O and it was indescribably amazing. I was on the edge of my seat the entire time.

Remember when I was lamenting the fact that I wouldn’t be able to go to Vegas this year? While I was sad to miss out on the comraderie of my colleagues, deep down inside I was even more disappointed to miss out on another Cirque show. I literally can’t get enough of them.

So imagine my surprise when I was offered free tickets! Yespleasethankyouverymuch! Where do I sign? Because I’m pretty sure I’d offer up my soul for a chance to see a Cirque show. Luckily all I need to do is write about Cirque du Soleil’s Totem, which I don’t even consider a job as I’m totally enamored of them and would sing their praises to a pigeon if he were the only living thing around.

Cirque du Soleil’s Totem opens in San Francisco on October 28th. Info about the show, including links to buy tickets {and a wonderful two minute preview} can be found on their site.

But that’s not all! If you press on this sentence you can buy tickets at a 20% discount!

If you’ve never been to a Cirque du Soleil show I can guarantee that it’s worth experiencing. The sets, the costumes, the music, the acrobatics are all unparalleled. It’s truly a marvelous experience – one you’ll never forget!

If you want to see more about the show check out these fun videos!

Posted in Reaping the Rewards

Tagged

Time Piece Serendipity

Posted on October 16, 2011 by Esperanza| 3 Comments

Is it somewhat strange to buy a used watch? For some reason I think it is. At least, it feels weird to buy a cheapy Casio watched used. I don’t know about you, but my watches are intensely personal. I wear them all the time. I literally never take them off, not to shower, not to sleep. I will wear a watch until it breaks. When I look back on periods of time in my life, I can remember the watch I was wearing. Always.

I bought a cheap $20 Casio watch right before my project started. It was great, a soft yellow color that went well with everything. I loved it.

Then one day I involved it in a ploy to appease my daughter and it ended up on the cobble stoned floor of the main square at Grant’s Farm in St. Louis, never to be seen again {at least not by me}. I really hope someone picked it up and took it home. It was a great watch.

Anyway, I’ve been going without a watch for months and it’s starting to wear of me. I can’t stand not knowing what time it is and I find that not having a time piece has done little to quell the my urgent NEED to know how many minutes into the hour we happen to be. If anything not having a watch is making me more attached to my iPhone and that is something nobody wants {except for Apple, of course}.

I hadn’t thought much about getting a used watch because, as I stated before, I thought it was kind of weird. Also, where would I find one? The kind of watch I need, one of the cheap, water resistant variety, seemed like it would be hard to come by. The kind of watches I like are worn until they  can’t be worn anymore. At least that is how I wear them.

Today I went online and looked at watches. I wasn’t sure what my end game would be, maybe ask for one for Christmas? First I hit up Swatch.com. But… when did Swatch watches start costing $100?! The cheapest, most boring of their watches were $50. I think I shall look somewhere else, thankyouverymuch.

Back to Casio it was. On Amazon I saw a few that I liked but only one stood out at me.

Unfortunately it was like $35. Any fleeting thoughts of just cheating and getting myself the dang watch flew out the window.

I shut down the amazon window and went about doing other things.

Then I remembered something. Amazon sells stuff used. I’ve bought many used items from them since my project started. Maybe, just maybe, I could get a watch used there too.

But surely the watch I wanted wouldn’t be available used… I had little hope that it would be.

Except it was! It was one of the only Casio watches that was available used. And for half the original price {even factoring in shipping}. So my funky orange watch is coming to me used. I must say, I’m quite pleased.

Now I just hope it will be in decent shape. We shall see…

Posted in The Search Is On!

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